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"It’s not only the children who grow, parents do too...": Reflections on parenting, being ready, and being good enough.


By margo - Posted on 09 September 2013

pic from makeitinmusic.com

This blog entry was written by a young parent who would like to remain anonymous.

Most of us have become parents long before we stop being children ourselves. Making the decision to have a child is momentous, it is deciding, forever, to have your heart go walking around outside of your body. Are you a perfect parent? No, do you have to be? Absolutely not. Most people would say that there is no right or wrong way to be a parent, I couldn't agree more, but for the people who doubt others or have self-doubt within saying or believing at times “I was never taught how to be a parent” for the most parts I would have to disagree, agreeing by saying, your right about not being taught, only for my belief that you hadn't met your teacher yet.

If you go back to the beginning of it all, some of us were excited on the outside but terrified within, weather it had been we weren't ready, or the situations and lifestyle that surrounded us. Only speaking for myself hoping someone can relate, I was never so scared in my life, I hadn't taken care of myself properly prior to that moment, I couldn't even place an answer on weather I locked my door when I left or not. I wasn't ready. I was only 18. My life had barely even began, those thoughts definitely belonged to that time. As I journeyed home that day questions bombarded my head. “How do I tell my boyfriend? – What will he think? – What if he hates me? -Should I keep it? -What will my parents think? “These are only the beginning of questions that flooded my head. Regardless of the things that I thought and felt, one thing over powered everything. There were two heartbeats inside of my body.

I never would have imagined myself in that position, but there I was, I wasn’t prepared to be a mother, but months that passed with the little flutters, and kicks. The nights spent awake in bed wondering ‘‘are you a girl? Or a boy? –Will you look like me? Or your dad?’’ right up to the tears and labour that put him in my arms, it was then that I knew I didn't have to know what I was doing, it didn't matter who was behind me in the long run, he was mine and I was his. As I laid awake all alone with my new baby in my arms for the first time, it wasn't about if I was going to be a good mother or not, the only thing that mattered was that he was there and my life would never be the same again. I enjoyed my sleep but knowing that I was needed, the fact that someone in this world could not make it without me, made me feel as if I never needed to sleep again.

From the moment I brought my son home I have had more than my share of doubts, disappointments and hardships. I have seen people walk out of my life as quickly as they walked in, and at times I feel completely alone, but there is nothing more rewarding than waking up to someone who is attached so fully to your heart that your world would never be the same without them.

It’s okay to doubt yourself, it’s okay to be confused and its okay to just flat out admit you have absolutely no idea what you’re doing, in reality, you don’t have to, just always remember your purpose in the journey, to live, to love and to learn. No matter how hard times get, tomorrow is always another day and there is no such thing as perfect. Doesn't matter what the world sees because when your child looks at you, they see the world. No one said it would be easy, but being a parent will always be worth it. Being a parent gets stressful but our children won’t always be this small, they’re going to grow, become smarter each day, they will go from never leave mommy or daddy’s arms to running away from us in places as scary as the grocery store or mall! (ahhh) cleaning the house can get frustrating but one day you will miss the messes of your children’s presences, eating hot dogs every other day for lunch will turn your stomach but one day we will pass that section in the grocery store and think back to the sore tummys and ketchup stains, maybe even buy the pack and eat it alone. Wet socks on the bathroom floor drives me out of my mind but I have no idea what I’ll do when the laughter stops coming from in there. Their little legs get tired and I have never been so stressed being five blocks from somewhere I need to be packing a bag full of baby and having to carry a cranky three year old, his five cars and the random stick he can’t part with but when the day comes that he walks ahead of me, or even more scary out there all alone, I’m going to miss the weight of him. I don’t overly know where I’m going with this at this point but embrace it all, and never forget to kiss them goodnight, even if their asleep, trust yourself, you know more than you think you do.

It’s not only the children who grow, parents do too, as much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives they are watching to see what we do with ours.

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